March | 2013 | Spirit of Home

This week I had to have surgery to remove my gall bladder. I had been having problems for a while with my stomach and pain for months. Alas, the pain grew and I ended up in the emergency room at our local hospital with a full blown gall bladder attack. The emergency room doctor told me I needed surgery as soon as possible. Of course fear and control set in immediately. However, there is a point in our lives when we have to let some else have the control. It is that point in our lives when we have to step back and ask for help. I am a person who will live with something for a long time before I get help. I believe it is part of my “survivor” mode. When the doctor said I needed surgery a part of me shut down to survive or to get through the trauma. After all I had just come through two surgeries in the last seven years to correct a problem in my colon. The day of my surgery the surgeon was delayed for five hours due to an emergency. I had a lot of time to sit and think about my life. During that time I remembered something my dad had told me about the bible. He said the term “fear not” appears over 350 times in the bible. I thought about how I was about to let go and let another person have control over my body and life in the operating room. It is exactly at that time when I came face to face with the idea of physically, spiritually, and emotionally turning my life over to God and the universe. For me it was a time to turn my life over to God and trust in him. Over the years I have had a lot of moments, some dramatic some not, when I have had to take stock and turn my life over. It is in those times that reaching out to a friend or confidant has helped me with my situation. Sometimes it is as simple as letting my little sister rub my feet after surgery and me allowing her to touch my vulnerable body and me allowing my grief to come out. Sometimes it is just seeing the birds at the feeder and feeling like our great creator is still in control of the world and “no matter what it will be all right.” It’s the idea that I can be vulnerable person and allow another person to see that vulnerability and healing takes place in a wonderful way. It’s about the fact that sooner or later we have to make a decision to place our lives in Gods care. There is peace in that decision. It has gotten me through many times in life.