Posted in My Life, Uncategorized

The Grand Scheme of Things

I recently sat with my mom in the doctors office (my mom is 83) she told the doctor she was very upset about being a burden to her children.  I knew she had been feeling bad about about all the trips up to her house to help her out when she fell and fractured 5 ribs and the the trips to the ER to help stabilize a rapid heart beat. She and my father (who passed away 2 years ago from colon cancer) were and are fiercely independent.  I know she wants desperately to stay in her beautiful cozy home as long as she can.   All five of us children would like to see that she gets that wish also.  My father wanted to die at home and because of hard work and boundless love from siblings, friends and incredible hospice care he got his wish.   What I wish for my mom to know is this.  Yes I am older and do get a bit tired or cranky but would I be anywhere else.  Heck no!  I chose to move back to be close to my parents as they age.  What I would like my mom to know is I love her boundlessly.  Not just for bearing 5 children but raising incredible children who are loving and caring.  How could I begin to thank her for the times she nursed us through chicken pox, measles, mumps, cuts and bruises, broken hearts, the list is endless.  For me in particular when I had my son and he was just three months old we had no second car, I had no car seat, no high chair, no stroller.  I was stranded every day in a small two bedroom apartment.  My mom would show up out of the blue load me and my son in the car and take us to buy a stroller.  She would take me to get a hamburger at McDonald’s and that was like steak to a 19 year old,broke, frightened mother.  After a painful divorce my mom and dad took me and my son in. Mom babysat while I worked, she baked cookies and listened while I poured out my broken heart to her.  She made me belly laugh, she made wonderful dinners and we would go for long walks together.  There is one moment in particular that reminds me of how much love she poured out to us children.  When I moved in to my folks house with my son, it was after a very bad, violent break up of my marriage.  I came home one night from work exhausted and scared.  I had lost everything I owned in the divorce.  I came home so sad and my mother had made my bed, pulled back the sheets and in that simple act I have never in my life felt so loved and nurtured.  I knew then everything would be OK.  Do I owe her yes!  Do I want to be here for her you bet!  My parents were far from perfect but I do know without a doubt that we were very much loved and that love shines through all the time everyday.     Yes, I and my brother and sisters will  be there for my mom it’s what true love is all about.   It’s about saying thanks for all she and dad have given us.